The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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