There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We have started to decorate penises.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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