cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
