I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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