What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
