it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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