theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
