Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
that's an acceptable place to lick
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
