So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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