dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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