she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
