I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
And then he peed in my hair
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
