don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
