Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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