I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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