I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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