I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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