Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
