I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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