there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
