On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
