$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You made out with two different species that night
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
