I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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