i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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