You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
