is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
