as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
