I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
This girl is more easily done than said...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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