My friends, they love my intelligence
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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