I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
