So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
