Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
