On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
