Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
