I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
