I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
