I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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