So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
