Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
