Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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