a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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