On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
