Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Two words: nipple clamps
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