Umm I'm too high to move.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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