Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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