somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
sarcasm needs its own font
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
