if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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