Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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