My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
