Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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