Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
