he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
