I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She said her name was "party"
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
