just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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