We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
